I went back to my home province [Antique] last June. Not to do a normal vacation but to say goodbye to the father I knew and grew up with. For those who doesn't know, before going here in Manila to meet my real dad, I used to live with my step-father.
Until now, I have regrets in my heart. I couldn't visit him when he was well. I returned home when he was already gone. To give you an idea, it's been 8 years since I last went home or saw him. I stayed in Manila and worked really hard so I could continuously support their needs. I thought that by doing so, they will be happy or he will be happy.
I guess some of my family members appreciate it, but I think my dad didn't. I don't know, I never get to hear his voice, never get to hear his say. He is the best step-dad, He gave me everything when I was little. He treated me as his own, he loved me dearly and took care of me.
I remember, he used to carry me in his shoulders, played with me. When he gets home drunk, he will give me 5 pesos. He calls me his "darling" and will always remind me of how much he loved me. He would also tell his kainuman "Bata ko ra si Lala"(Lala is my child).
I guess that he missed me a lot, he thought of me until his last breath. I had a moment that night that I suddenly remember him and when I woke up the next morning, I received a message from my siblings that he is already gone. I knew that it was his way of saying goodbye.
And for the first time after 8 long years, I saw him. He changed a lot. His face, his body - it's very unfamiliar. Unfortunately, I never gets to see his smiling face, I can no longer hear his jokes and he can no longer make fun of me.
He played a big part of my life especially during my childhood days. I hope that I made you happy during your stay here on Earth and was hoping that I changed your life too just like what you did to my life. I also hope that you know how much I love you and appreciate you as my father. I will never see you again but one thing is for sure, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.
I promise that I will take care of Mama and my siblings. Rest well, Papa. Let me do the rest. Visit me in my dream sometimes and let's talk, okay? I love you.
P.S
I still cry even though months have passed. My heart still cannot contain how sad I am and know that I am still full of guilt.
